1/1/2012

I'm not feeling festive. Every time that I've felt festive someone and their attitude comes along and shits on it. This is why I move solo. My reasoning is, 'as long as I make my own plans and do my own thing all will be good. I will be good'. Rolling solo isn't so bad but it has it's lonely times. I thought being in a relationship cures or curves that feeling...?

All bullshit aside, I'm REALLY disappointed that she couldn't pull her attitude together tonight. Shit, personally I wasn't impressed with the performers performance. I mean, it was good but I wanted to be wowed. I wasn't and that was okay. My girlfriend's presence alone made it better. She looked beautiful. Taller than me and all. I was just happy to be out with her on New Years Eve since my last year's was pretty bogus.

She stood with her arms folded the entire night. We stood next to each other but didn't talk. You wouldn't have had any idea that we've been dating almost a year. I asked questions to spark a convo and all I got was her making a bunch of damn faces. I fucking hate those disrespectful ass faces. Her attitude was distasteful, tacky and uber frustrating. Even if we went to a fucking bowling alley and ate stale as chips, it's fucking New Years Eve for gods sake. We didn't even kiss at the end of the countdown. Word!?!

That sort of attitude is something that I won't deal with.

This definitely makes me not want to plan anything else for us. Yea, I won't be doing it. If there's somewhere I want to go, I will plan for me and I will ask if she wants to come along. I won't plan anything else. Not even dinner and especially not anything around the major events/valentines/birthday/holidays. Oh hell no! I really could have saved my money. Shit, I should be saving money to move but I'm sacrificing to put a smile on her face, of which she didn't do not ONE FUCKING TIME! I'm fucking sore from moving 3 days straight, Racquel, Rani and myself. Shit, I didn't even finish moving until after 5pm.

TRUST me, I would have rather been home soaking in a fucking tub and watching a movie or at a nice hotel cuddled up and eating Thai food. Ah well... **But this will end up being my fault because I'm a poor and unthoughtful planner. Had I done A-Z differently she would have had a good time". Never mind the fact that I asked her for input and what she wanted to do. "You pick, Babe".

I plan and she has a gripe. Well, fuck the planning egg shells. I haven't walked on them with others and I won't now!

...I'm just really disappointed that she really didn't get it together & she really stood next to me the entire night and didn't say shit to me. She didn't touch me and didn't fucking smile...for THREE FUCKING HOURS. Three fucking hours!?! Man, I need to cut-up and start acting the way she does and then she can get a whiff of how that shit feels.

In any case it's 4:15am. I'm beyond sleepy.