She Makes Me Feel...She moves Me 1/1/12 - Post #Shameless

When I look at her I just fall weak. It's like my heart is taken captive by her. Her eyes are so beautiful and tell of her heart. SHE MOVES ME. I mean, seriously. I'm not using these words for flattery or even to make my myself sound like a word-smith. This is merely me trying to articulate my emotions in the most transparent of ways.

When I first saw Katrina I thought she was absolutely beautiful. And I do mean absolutely beau-ti-ful. There was something in her eyes that caught me and drew me in. I SWEAR on the truth in me. I've seen and been in the company of beautiful women but the first times I laid eyes on her inside of the LACMA Museum I was FLOORED. The way I feel about music is how I feel about her. I remember telling here that she reminded me of Jupiter, of The Planets Movement.

I THINK SHE IS THE ONE and I do mean THE ONE. They say love changes and so do people. Maybe I'm wrong... Maybe she doesn't feel for me the same that I do for her, but I know MY TRUTH and that is what I feel. This is what I know and am experiencing.

Yes she has a mean strut, is educated, comes from decent stock and is super attractive and has regal locs but those things are perks. There is SOMETHING IN HER EYES that makes me want to LOVE her. I feel like YELLING all of this just to let it out.

Earlier today I read a tweet that said, "@TimMcRAW: The prettiest smiles hide the deepest secrets, the prettiest eyes have cried the most tears, and the kindest hearts have felt the most pain." <------ I believe this to be true about her eyes. There has always been something about her eyes that I've just wanted to love even before I knew to love her. It has always been there.

I know I risk becoming overly neurotic and obsessed with this next statement but it's important that I make myself available to whatever the Universe has in store regarding my love life with her, so here goes.... Even if she's not supposed to be my wife, she deserves someone that's going to LOVE her through her eyes. Eyes like that have a heart that I find utterly interesting and deserve nothing less than LOVE. I hope I'm the Love to do it but if I'm not, God, bring her the love that she deserves. *in tears* I know she's difficult and I would like to ask you for her hand but God, I want to be paired with a woman that Loves and wants to reciprocate the same, if she's not to be the one for me.

Katrina brings a new perspective to me about myself, especially as it relates to my dynamics with other women, intimacy, how I carry myself and her indirect challenge to make room, restructure the way I think about she and I and to keep her in my heart and sight as 'The Woman In My Life' and reevaluate how I treat and respect her position in my life. I think she's asking for exclusivity and I'm giving it but there's another level of awareness that she's trying to bring to my attention...I'm working on it actively. I'm sure there is still some pieces of my heart that need to be circumcised. She drives me nuts, makes me mad, is critical but there's something in her eyes that connects with my heart & compassion and that makes me feel that she's worth the work.

At my birthday party I whispered to her... "I don't want to jinx anything but I hope you're the one for me". She replied the same... I was sweetly surprised. Maybe I will look back at this post and read it to her and smile if she is to become my wife. On the other hand, I could look back and reminisce and send her good luck vibes while she finds other love.

I'm still growing. I'm sure she's still growing. Hopefully we will continue to grow together. I hope she feels the same... If not, this heart has felt horrible pain before, I will eventually smile again. I just hope I'm smiling with her by my side.

-Me